How I Became a Career Coach

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I first found myself at a crossroads in my adult life at 23. I had just ended my enlistment in the Navy, and was going to be a father any moment. We traded the paradise of San Diego for the moody drizzle of Seattle, my partner's home town. Though I approached change with an adventurous wonder, this time I had never felt so out of sort with my choices. Becoming a parent, moving and switching careers at once...I didn't understand it in the moment, but I was going through several of the most stressful life events we can experience. All at once. Had I understood the psychological effects of the stress, I might have given myself the grace to take things slow and I would have found time to process these changes. Most important, if I had professional guidance, a mentor, and a process, I would have experienced a less stressful transition and could have had a solid understanding of what kind of work suits me.

Career coaching came to me as a purpose that aligns with my values. In my twelve years as a manager and the following years leading client service teams, I found a deep satisfaction in those career development discussions that unlocked the potential of my colleagues. That kind of reward felt internal; no trophies, no bonuses, sometimes not even a "thank you." But I got to see individuals wrestle away their doubts, unencumber their self-imposed limitations and put themselves out there with solid results.

Many of us are limited in our full potential by a toxic stew of self-doubt, fear of failure, and shame. It was our parent’s throwaway comment that left a permanent mark on our outlook on the world. The constant self-comparisons to others around us. The difficult task of self-reflection in the face of mistakes; turning errors into lessons learned. While getting to the source of that toxic stew feelings is the job of the therapist, I as a coach come in to enable clients. We identify obstacles like limiting thinking and its following behaviors holding clients back. We then look for pathways around those obstacles through thoughtful planning and guidance. Finally, we follow up on the hard work of implementing these plans through consulting and support.

The most limiting and troubling thought processes we experience in life are the uncertainty of who we are as it relates to what we should be doing professionally. Most of us are conditioned by family, work, culture, to put those feelings of fear aside for the sake of the job security and the solid paycheck and great benefits that come with it. Tamper the feelings for the sake of “being professional.” In time, though, it gets a little harder to pull off this balancing act, because what it truly means is to put in major part of ourselves into a mental lockbox. A good number of people get to a point where we forget our purpose, our values that are gifts. Eventually, the fear, the uncertainty and the realization that we are not living our fullest lives collide. As a career coach, I have the benefit of being able to guide my clients through those scary times. We do it through thought provoking discussions, drawing out ways to get at what’s scary inside, what disingenuous behaviors are guiding actions, what's that struggle on Sunday night as we prepare to end the weekend and get back to the grind on Monday. “What is that feeling” is what we'll talk about in coaching and once we name what factors contribute to those feelings, we can then plan to maneuver around them.

In my latest career transition, I was fortunate enough to have time to sift through the limiting thoughts and feelings in my mind. I had the benefits of not one, but two therapists, my wife Lauren, and my entire family & friends network. All were supportive as processed my life at a crossroads. But what I didn't have, what I didn't realize I needed until late in the game, was a coach. In hindsight, a coach would have helped me self-assess and figure out my next path in a shorter period than it took on my own. The luxury of being in the wilderness, I needed to partner with a professional who could help me process exactly what was the best path forward. That is the difference between coaching and therapy. Therapy is incredibly important and I think everyone should be using some type of therapy in their complicated lives. Therapy really helps us understand “why we are the way we are.” Coaching is a much more proactive process wrapped around acting based on “who we are and what we need.”

In the last several years, I met lots of people in my circles who we're dealing with layoffs, burnouts and good old-fashioned “managing out,” the callous act that bad managers and indifferent HR advisors deal to employees who are struggling. A common tread for a lot of people is to hurry into their next job, to just dive right back into the cycle of resumes, interviews, and off-mission careers to endure, not enjoy. What’s lacking is the opportunity for self-reflection, healing and finding solutions to mitigate the pain, shame the and grief.

I get…the mortgage is due on the 1^st, the car note on the 15^th, and the world won’t pause for self-reflection. We decide to fix ourselves on-the-fly while we acclimate to the new position.

If this sounds familiar to you, I want you to know there is another way and I can help you get there. I can help you find your voice.